juxtaposed.

Truth: I've lived my life as a contradiction. I've loved being the unexpected, but it's getting time to face reality and stop running away from my reflections.

I said the exact words (well, texted) that I'm in the midst of an existential crisis. I hate that phrase, I hate that idea---I hate myself for thinking it let alone type, say or believe it...but it suddenly hit. In the past three years I've been motivated by or for nothing. I've buried myself in work, projects, excursions...anything to keep me from realizing that I'm running around in circles. Somehow I lost myself in the process and I have no idea how I got here or how to get back.

Maybe I need a change of scene. A break from monotony, from the routine. Something to make me feel like I have purpose...not even answers, just clarity. I need things to make sense again. And I'm not worried about being okay, because I know I will, I'm just afraid of who I'll be at that point and whether or not the overwhelming numbness will ever start to wear off.

...another unaddressed letter to the universe. Let's hope this one merits a response.